Overcoming A Struggling Marriage Part 3

In the final part of the mini-series Overcoming a Struggling Marriage, Dave and Bethlie bring the five-step series to a close. They show how to stop dividing and start doing life together. That means family dinners at the table instead of in front of the TV, walks after supper, date traditions, and even peeling potatoes side by side.

Dave and Bethlie discuss the last two steps in this last mini-series episode. Affirm your commitment through words, vows, and simple texts that say “I’m here for you.” And forgive, both by asking for forgiveness and by offering it before you’re asked.

Overcoming a Struggling Marriage (Part 3): Do Life Together, Affirm, and Forgive

Help for marriages is everywhere: books, podcasts, and resources right on your phone. But as Dave and Bethlie warn, it’s easy to heap up knowledge and never take it to heart. In Episode 336, the Youngs wrap up their mini-series with practical steps to put into practice this week, whether your marriage is truly struggling, a little stale, or just too busy.

Episode Overview

The five steps for overcoming a struggling marriage are Speak, Seek, Abandon, Affirm, and Forgive.

Quick Review: Speak, Seek, Abandon

• Speak words of affection, affirmation, gratitude, and prayer.
• Seek to do things together, serve each other, solve problems, and seek God together.
• Abandon criticism, negative statements, and division. That does not mean abandoning your spouse.

Abandon Division: Do Life Together

Eat Together

Aim for at least one meal a day together, ideally supper. For the Youngs, family table time was one of the most looked-forward-to parts of the day. Even with children at the table, husband and wife connect by hearing the same stories and caring for the kids as a team. Eating side by side in front of the TV isn’t the same as eating together.

Exercise Together

Most of us live sedentary lives, so take a walk after dinner or work out together. Dave set up a small garage gym that the family still uses.

Enjoy Entertainment Together, Wisely

Ball games, plays, musicals, and traditions all count. For years, the Youngs’ annual tradition was seeing A Christmas Carol at the Ohio Theatre. It was entertaining, and it was an investment in their marriage.

Do the Extra Things Together

• Bethlie connected with each of their children in the kitchen, where light conversations often turned into teaching moments (what the kids call “mom mode”).
• As newly empty nesters, they found new connection when Dave asked, “What can I do?” and started peeling potatoes and carrots for Sunday dinner.
• Is your spouse a golfer? Ride along. One couple at their church turned his golf outings into time together, with her serving as the cart chauffeur.

Step 4: Affirm

Reaffirm your commitment and your vows, especially when things are hard: “I meant it when I said for better, for worse.”

Affirmation can be lighthearted, too:

• “I’d marry you all over again.”
• “You’re still my favorite person in the world.”
• “You’re still the most attractive person I’ve ever seen.”

Affirm With a Simple Text

Bethlie suggests a quick message on a hard day, such as “I’m praying for you” or “You’re going to do great.”

Step 5: Forgive

Ask for Forgiveness and Give It Freely

Ask: “I know this was wrong. Will you forgive me?” But you can also forgive without being asked, simply because you love your spouse and the offense isn’t worth holding on to.

When a Hidden Hurt Turns Into Bitterness

Dave shares a recent counseling session with a couple who had already seen several counselors. The wife listed everything her husband wouldn’t change. Then the husband quietly said that during the hardest time of his life, she wasn’t there for him. She didn’t seem to even hear it. Whether or not his hurt was justified, it had turned to bitterness, and that bitterness was dividing them.

Satan uses held-on hurts to undo every other step. He silences our speaking, makes us stop seeking, and encourages division.

Forgive in God’s Power, Not Your Own

Bethlie reminds believers that Scripture commands us to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving, just as Christ forgave us. If you feel you can’t forgive, get alone with God and ask for His forgiving power. Remembering how much He has forgiven you can be overwhelming. And ask the Lord whether the thing you’re holding on to is really a big deal at all. Deal with unforgiveness quickly, before it grows.

Coming Up Next Week

Overcoming the Lies of Our Culture