Books That Can Help and Why...[Smalley] Part 3

Part 3 in the series on the book  The DNA of Parent-Teen Relationships.

Chapter 6 Finding the Best solution to any conflict

1. Making Wise decisions is having the ability through discretion and extensive knowledge to sensibly discern and judge something before receiving and acting upon it. 
2. Power struggles cause the most issues with teens
3. The key is to find a solution that both can feel good about
4. Keys:
   1. Establish rules about discussing conflicts
      1. 10 rules for fair fighting
      2. The calmer the argument, the better the chance of an honoring outcome.
5. With teens agree ahead of time on what the consequences of poor choices will be.

Chapter 7 Democracy can bring responsibility to your home

1. Real freedom is having the inner power to do what is best for all concerned.
2. Immaturity is lacking the power to do what we know is right and not being able to delay gratification
3. This is the chapter where they talk about making a contract 
   1. See p. 118 for the why have one
      1. A written and signed document has tremendous power to keep peoplein harmony with agreed-upon, loving rules
   2. And p. 119 on how to develop one
      1. You have to read the book for all the details, but here are a few thoughts:

1. Younger kids need less contract
2. Teens need more
3. Use precise wording that makes expectations clear
   1. We have recommended this in blended families especially
   2. The more involved in the agreement the greater the outcome
1. There is a section here with some very practical advice:
   1. On asking questions - important to teach our teens
      1. We taught ours the Daniel method based on Daniel 1
   2. On Cleanliness is good too
      1. Their rooms had to be clean before leaving for school or no TV for 24 hours