Books That Can Help and Why... [Smalley] Part 1

Dave and Bethlie begin a new series on the book  The DNA of Parent-Teen Relationships.

This is a great book about navigating the teen years.

I love the quotes that are at the beginning of each chapter:

Any adult who behaves the way that teenagers behave would be judged as certifiably insane.  Ana Freud

In no order of things is adolescence the simple time of life. 

-Jean Erskine Stewart

Fifty years from now it will not matter what kind of car you drove, what kind of house you lived in, how much you had in your bank account, or what your clothes looked like. But the world may be a little better because you were important in the life of a child. 

-anonymous

Many of the others are verses.

Here are some of the subjects he tackles:

• How to make the teen years the best years
• How to keep anger levels low
• How to argue with a teen and come out as closer friends
• Finding the best solution in any conflict
• How democracy can bring responsibility to your home
• Strengthening your relationship with your teenager
• Helping teens make lemonade out of life’s “lemons”
• Helping teens maintain and regain their virginity
• When teenagers walk away from the light
• Leaving home in honor

Chapter Three  - Keeping Anger Levels Low

1. Unresolved anger is the number one enemy of our teen’s healthy development and spiritual growth.
2. Three faces of unresolved anger
   1. Hurt feelings
   2. Frustration
   3. Fear/Feeling unsafe
3. What does it look like?
   1. Relationally - We distance from others
   2. Spiritually - We walk in the dark 
   3. Emotionally - we close our heart
4. What provokes anger?
   1. Sarcastic jokes and comments
   2. Refusing to let them think on their own
      1. That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard
      2. You are too young to understand
      3. Who asked you? 
5. Four steps in opening a teen closed spirit
   1. Reflect tenderness
      1. Lower your voice
      2. Become gentle in heart
      3. Speak slowly
      4. Get down on one knee
      5. Relax your facial expressions
   2. Increase your own understanding
      1. Empathy is identifying and understanding the other person’s situation, feeling, and motives
   3. Admit the offense
      1. Write a note of apology
      2. And so forth
   4. Seek Forgiveness